Aging with RAZ

How to deal with Shadowing

Shadowing is when your loved one follows you around the house, copies what you are doing, or becomes upset when you need time to yourself.

Why does this occur: You represent safety. They may rely on you to prevent embarrassment or frustration and to help fill in memory gaps. This can look like frequent interruptions, repeated phrases, or doing the same activity repeatedly.

Shadowing often happens in the late afternoon or early evening. It is different from sundowning, which involves confusion, agitation, and restlessness later in the day.

When it happens:
➡️ What emotions appear before they begin shadowing?
➡️ Do they panic when left alone?
➡️ Does it happen at the same time each day?
➡️ What is happening in the house when it starts?

Experiment with these:
➡️ Notice what breaks the cycle, such as giving them a familiar task they enjoy.
➡️ If the house is noisy later in the day, try music, audiobooks, or TV in a quieter area.
➡️ If space is limited, ask whether headphones would help block background noise while they listen to something they like.
➡️ Use positive phrases that work for them, such as “I love you,” “Thank you for setting the table,” or “That outfit looks great on you.”
➡️ Ask, “May I give you a hug?.”

If they panic when you leave the room, consider a baby monitor so they can hear your voice while you do chores and respond if needed.

If you are showering, place a timer nearby and explain that you will return when it rings. Add a simple cue beside it saying where you went and when you’ll be back. When you return, remind them that you kept your word.

Shadowing is often a search for safety, comfort, and connection. Watching for patterns can help you respond with more confidence and calm. Each calm moment helps them feel safer. Keep trying one simple strategy at a time, your steady presence matters.

And use the timer to give yourself a well-deserved time-out.